The mornings are the bleakest. Today especially, the tiny natives have punished me for the grave crime of not being my Co-Captain. It is barely 0900 hours, and I have been kicked, flailed upon, and made to suffer the piercing cry of the Loch Mess Monster. He is the most attached to the Co-Captain, though the Chunkacabra rivals his affection in many ways. My only reprieve is that Sassquatch has not yet awoken. She seems more attached to sleep than to any human, which is both a blessing and a curse. Her slumber is peaceful, but there is often violence when she is made to abandon it. I fear what might happen when she wakes.
Captain’s Log, Parenthood Date: 1658
I fear my Co-Captain is losing his mind. I was ill upon waking this morning, thrusting him into the captain’s duties alone. For twelve hours, he has cared for the tiny natives with little reprieve. However, he is not accustomed to this burden, as I am, and has shown several signs of impending insanity. Concerning behaviors include: a twitching eye, random bouts of shouting, and obsessive repetition of one phrase (“STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!”). To add to my concern, I have noticed several times that he appears to be covered in drool. I cannot say for certain whether the drool was his own. I can only hope the tiny natives will tire soon, lest I lose my Co-Captain altogether.
I, on the other hand, am well-rested and feeling much better. It cannot last.
Captain’s Log, Parenthood Date: 1654
The days seem to be getting longer, while the nights remain as short as ever on this strange island. Tonight, as I offered a required milk sacrifice to the newest tiny native, the others inserted the toys known as “Hot Wheels” into the toaster. By my observation, they either do not understand the function of a toaster, or do not care. These creatures seem to be immune to the smell of melting plastic, and the sight of electrical sparks does not deter them. They do, in fact, appear to be actively working towards the destruction of their habitat, and by extension, my own. To make matters worse, my co-captain has abandoned ship, citing “writing a paper” as his excuse. It was he who left the toaster on the counter.
I am alone. I am afraid.