Captain's Log

Captain’s Log, Parenthood Date: 1673

The tiny natives received an offering for their amusement today: “dinosaur stickers.” Paper, a perfectly reasonable vehicle for these “dinosaur stickers,” was included, and yet the natives shun it. Instead, they have chosen to plaster the stickers on every surface that should absolutely not be plastered with small images of prehistoric creatures, including the refrigerator, the island floor, and the back of Chunkacabra’s thighs. It would seem they intend to pay homage to the dinosaurs. Perhaps those from the Jurassic are distant ancestors–or perhaps the tiny natives are completely unrelated to them, and simply admire their once-destructive ways. Whatever the reason, the damage is done. I will be scraping for days.

Adhesive offerings will henceforth be burned on sight.

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